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nihilistwithagoodimagination:

What if every dog is reincarnated into another dog after they die and whenever you see a person walking a dog who goes crazy and tries to meet you and be your best friend it’s really your childhood dog trying to tell you he knows and misses you??

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT

(via thatsthat24)

dontbeanassbutt:

moc-tod-ffuts-modnar:

iamtonysexual:

sherlock-mania:

remember-pants-terezi:

heyxkids:

YOU CANT CHANGE THE VOLUME OF THE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD

FUCKING TRY I DARE YOU

ITS IMPOSSIBLE AND ITS REALLY FUCKING WITH MY MIND SOMEONE HUG ME

I CAN MAKE IT SCREAM WITHOUT GETTING LOUDER

H E L P

Holy shit whispering is the same volume as shouting as loud as I can

what have you done

We think in concepts

Concepts have no volume

Because a thought is the loudest silence of all.

whoa there socrates

(via thatsthat24)

connorpunch:

American School System: We have given knowledge to the youth.

The doctors: You fucked up perfectly good children is what you did. look at them. they have anxiety.

(via bearforceone)

pea-gravel:

pea-gravel:

greenekangaroo:

did you know that out of the 44 states where powerball is played, only six allow you to remain anonymous should you win?

Imagine that. Just take a moment. You’ve won some ridiculous sum of money. All your problems are over. 

And then the phone calls start.

That shit’s gotta be reconsidered. That is not okay. 

Yep. Win the lottery, you are fucked. The following is all half-remembered from a Reddit thread a while back, but it’s good advice (if I find the thread again I’ll link it).

This is why you CONTACT A LAWYER. A lawyer from a LARGE, NATIONAL FIRM, no juniors or associates, you want a full-blown partner. Don’t use anyone local or anything. You want somebody who has no clue who you are, and somebody who works in ‘Trusts and Estates’.

Play dress-up when you go to collect your money if there is any possibility of photographs. Been wanting to change your hair drastically? DO IT AFTER. Now is the time for all that foundation that doesn’t match and the makeup you hate! Wear the stupid hat that makes you look like a flower pot! Wear the clothes that make you look like you have a totally different body shape! Grow the douchebeard! Just change what you look like. You don’t want to be recognized. There was a lottery winner who was forced away from his favorite eating spot because financial stalkers would lurk and demand cash or ‘suggest’ ways to spend his money, and these weren’t people interested in job interviews or anything. When he had to stop going there, they figured out where he lived and started intimidating and accosting family members.

See if you can get them to write your name differently if there’s a giant cheque, too. Instead of Alyn Tony Jones or something, see if they’ll just put A. T. Jones. Now, I’m fucked because my last name is pretty unique, but you might not be!

Collect your prize in a locale that is as far away from your home area as possible. By this point, you should have already made your plans for all of this shit and where the money is going, read ahead for that. Then? Vanish. For a month. Take a cruise or just take off in your car or go rent a beachfront. Roleplay Carmen Sandiego or Where’s Waldo. Wait for everyone to calm their tits.

Take the lump sum. You take a tax hit but you also have access to all the cash, and no, you won’t be beating inflation somehow by taking the annuity.

Decide, RIGHT FUCKING NOW, how much you are going to give to your family and friends. Inform your lawyer of that amount. Don’t talk to your family about this or you get into endless arguments over how much you gave to who, and who influenced you to do that, which– no joke– may result in a lawsuit. Because people are greedy, ignorant, and sue-happy.

Worth noting. Do not buy them sweet fuck all, and do not under any circumstances hand out cash (you will never be able to stop without being labeled a stingy bitch). No houses. No cars. Set up trusts. These trusts should not total more than 15-20% of your new worth. Then dictate what they can do with that trust. Higher education? Sure! Down payment for a house? Eh… should they be buying a house if they can’t even afford the down payment without help? It’s another thing entirely if something in the house that wasn’t their fault catastrophically failed. You’ve already set up a trust for them that is massively generous.

Put like 30% of your cash in a Swiss bank account and buy some municipal bonds, Swiss bonds, an S&P 500 doodah. These are your safety nets. Unless the world economy gets drop-kicked into the toilet, you are now taken care of for life solely off of these. So you could go nuts on whatever remains and buy eight thousand spinning wheels or something. With your lawyer (LAWYER) you should be protected from most lawsuits, and the trusts ensure your family is taken care of because those trusts cannot be touched. However, don’t put all your money in these– invest in some real estate, stocks and bonds, whatever. But learn about it all and figure out how this shit works. Do not sign ANYTHING until you understand exactly what is going on, and ask every stupid question before signing and get second opinions. You do not want to be snookered out of your cash.

So. You should also have: changed your phone numbers to unlisted ones, gotten a PO box and immediately switched all mail delivery to the PO box. Shred any mail that turns up that is not from somebody you know. 

This is all half-remembered from some Reddit thread back when everyone was flipping their shit over that 600mil lottery.

Rebagel for the late-night crowd.

(via goldtier)

skeletree:

hungrylikethewolfie:

inkdot:

This weekend I was told a story which, although I’m kind of ashamed to admit it, because holy shit is it ever obvious, is kind of blowing my mind.

A friend of a friend won a free consultation with Clinton Kelly of What Not To Wear, and she was very excited, because she has a plus-size body, and wanted some tips on how to make the most of her wardrobe in a fashion culture which deliberately puts her body at a disadvantage.

Her first question for him was this: how do celebrities make a plain white t-shirt and a pair of weekend jeans look chic?  She always assumed it was because so many celebrities have, by nature or by design, very slender frames, and because they can afford very expensive clothing.  But when she watched What Not To Wear, she noticed that women of all sizes ended up in cute clothes that really fit their bodies and looked great.  She had tried to apply some guidelines from the show into her own wardrobe, but with only mixed success.  So - what gives?

His answer was that everything you will ever see on a celebrity’s body, including their outfits when they’re out and about and they just get caught by a paparazzo, has been tailored, and the same goes for everything on What Not To Wear.  Jeans, blazers, dresses - everything right down to plain t-shirts and camisoles.  He pointed out that historically, up until the last few generations, the vast majority of people either made their own clothing or had their clothing made by tailors and seamstresses.  You had your clothing made to accommodate the measurements of your individual body, and then you moved the fuck on.  Nothing on the show or in People magazine is off the rack and unaltered.  He said that what they do is ignore the actual size numbers on the tags, find something that fits an individual’s widest place, and then have it completely altered to fit.  That’s how celebrities have jeans that magically fit them all over, and the rest of us chumps can’t ever find a pair that doesn’t gape here or ride up or slouch down or have about four yards of extra fabric here and there.

I knew that having dresses and blazers altered was probably something they were doing, but to me, having alterations done generally means having my jeans hemmed and then simply living with the fact that I will always be adjusting my clothing while I’m wearing it because I have curves from here to ya-ya, some things don’t fit right, and the world is just unfair that way.  I didn’t think that having everything tailored was something that people did. 

It’s so obvious, I can’t believe I didn’t know this.  But no one ever told me.  I was told about bikini season and dieting and targeting your “problem areas” and avoiding horizontal stripes.  No one told me that Jennifer Aniston is out there wearing a bigger size of Ralph Lauren t-shirt and having it altered to fit her.

I sat there after I was told this story, and I really thought about how hard I have worked not to care about the number or the letter on the tag of my clothes, how hard I have tried to just love my body the way it is, and where I’ve succeeded and failed.  I thought about all the times I’ve stood in a fitting room and stared up at the lights and bit my lip so hard it bled, just to keep myself from crying about how nothing fits the way it’s supposed to.  No one told me that it wasn’t supposed to.  I guess I just didn’t know.  I was too busy thinking that I was the one that didn’t fit.

I thought about that, and about all the other girls and women out there whose proportions are “wrong,” who can’t find a good pair of work trousers, who can’t fill a sweater, who feel excluded and freakish and sad and frustrated because they have to go up a size, when really the size doesn’t mean anything and it never, ever did, and this is just another bullshit thing thrown in your path to make you feel shitty about yourself.

I thought about all of that, and then I thought that in elementary school, there should be a class for girls where they sit you down and tell you this stuff before you waste years of your life feeling like someone put you together wrong.

So, I have to take that and sit with it for a while.  But in the meantime, I thought perhaps I should post this, because maybe my friend, her friend, and I are the only clueless people who did not realise this, but maybe we’re not.  Maybe some of you have tried to embrace the arbitrary size you are, but still couldn’t find a cute pair of jeans, and didn’t know why.

This post is one of those things that I will reblog every time it appears on my dash.  This is so important, and no one ever tells you about it.

I almost didn’t read this but then I did and I’m really glad that I did.

(via goldtier)

raptorific:

Shakespeare would seriously laugh so hard if he found out how seriously people take his works. Like, he would probably cry from laughing so hard if you told him that his plays were considered high-brow literature. “It’s all dick jokes and sword fights,” he’d say, “do they seriously tell my dick jokes to schoolchildren? And the kids aren’t allowed to laugh? Do the teachers know they’re telling dick jokes? Oh my god that’s fucking hilarious. Wait until I tell Anne.”

(via thatsthat24)